So I tried a thing. A fanfic thing.
Dramatic Sciences—The Roommate Debacle
Summary: Rave needs a roommate for college since he can’t afford to have a dormroom all to himself. When he’s assigned Edd, science major and nerdy barista working at the college campus coffee shop, the drama student isn’t too sure on what to think, especially with that stupid Nat Goldberg friend of his. Fucking pricks.
Pairings: Nat/Rave, Kev/Edd, just a bunch of college dudes gettin’ it on I guess? Manly feels.
Honestly I have no idea on what I’m doing. All credit goes to c2ndy2c1d and kirakurryart for creating Nat and Rave. Whoop! Here we go!
Rave had requested—no, demanded—for a roommate that was both clean, educated, and considerate of a thing called personal space. Preferably, the drama student wanted someone who couldn’t talk or felt any need to get ‘buddy-buddy’ with the person he planned on living with for the next four years. Cool indifference was what Rave wanted, with maybe a dash of acceptable taste in fashion. Sometimes Rave needed someone to be his mirror, and if they could not provide good advice he never looked their way again.
Sometimes it was hard having good taste.
What Rave did not expect was a science loving nerd whose major was the complete opposite of his. ‘Eddward Vincent’ he had introduced himself, not offering a hand to shake but merely smiled a gap-tooth greeting and calmly unpacked his suitcase. Everything he had was labeled, meticulous, and in order. Somehow the defense Rave had put up the moment the dormleader had introduced the two had diminished. The guy rambled a bit, cheerfully optimistic, but still did not offer any signs of physical affection.
Rave, a pessimist at heart, was waiting for the catch.
It turned out that the only thing that bugged him about Eddward was his overly polite demeanor. His old fashioned ‘oh dear’s and his ‘goodness me!’ exclamations whenever something out of the ordinary happened, which was odd to hear outside of a play and used purposely in real life. It was so… girly. Not that that was a bad thing, per say. It was just that Rave wasn’t excited about the thought of tip-toeing around someone who seemed so innocent. His tastes, again, were impeccable and also leaned toward the male genitalia. Which he had yet to see if that would be an issue between the two.
The guy also wore a hat, like, all the time.
The first night they shared in their dorm together was weirdly charged, both from Rave’s intent anticipation of something to go wrong and Eddward’s nerves cringing in stagefright. The sockhead wasn’t stupid, he knew he was being judged, but never to such an excruciating degree nor for such a length of time.
His bullies back in high school had almost been kinder.
The next morning was the deciding point for Rave. Eddward apparently was an early riser and had taken upon himself to make breakfast for the two. When the drama student had smelled what seemed to be sizzling meat, he scowled. Fuck this guy, he probably eats like a pig with how skinny he is. Stupid metabolism privileged prick.
To his surprise, Eddward had very similar tastes to his own. Preparing to give him an earful, Rave finally took in the sight that was on their tiny kitchen island. An eggwhite omelet filled with cooked spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, gouda, and a beautiful mix of seasonings sat delicately on shining breakfast plates alongside with what looked to be orange juice. What Eddward had been cooking on the stove was turkey bacon, which had been patted dry from grease and prepared to place alongside Rave’s plate.
Eddward tried not to cringe over Rave’s disbelieving stare.
“I took the liberty of making us a fully nutritious breakfast in hopes of starting our day on the right foot.” He said, carefully bringing the turkey bacon to the kitchen island. “If this is not to your liking, I can always make you something else… something with more protein and meat?” he chuckled awkwardly, having dealt with an athlete’s diet before.
Rave continued to stare, trying to fully register what was on the plate before him. Finally, he blinked.
“Do you know how to make espresso?” he snapped, staring hard at his roommate. Eddward almost flinched, but steeled himself last second and nodded eagerly. “Cappuccino? Macchiato?”
The science nerd sealed the deal when he asked, “Wet or dry?”
Breakfast was pleasant after that. Rave had brought out his espresso machine he had hidden in his closet before Eddward had arrived, demanding a caramel macchiato once he placed the device in front of his roommate. His drink had an excellent amount of foam, and Rave melted inside a little bit. It was enough to make him talkative, a feat not easily accomplished, unbeknownst to Eddward.
“Where did you learn to make such good drinks?”
Eddward paused in eating, looking surprised at Rave before breaking into a smile. His tooth gap stuck out. “I work for the coffee shop by the Arts building. But before that I had much practice at home!”
Rave nodded, having finished his food (fucking delicious holy shit was he a housewife in training or something???) and stared at the swirling mark of espresso in his drink. “I like caramel, and hazelnut. Pumpkin too.”
Eddward started a bit at the word, causing Rave to look up. His shadowed eyes, decked with a touch of his signature eyeliner, met his roommate’s.
“Is that a problem?” he said, slightly defensive.
Eddward panicked. “N-No! Not at all!” he stuttered, waving his hands in a show of surrender. “It’s just that pumpkin is a seasonal drink and only one that I can find in the fall. I… hope that is alright? September is only a week or so away, and with it comes many of the seasonal drinks. But until then I can make you hazelnut and caramel.”
Rave blinked, stewing in silent amusement at his roommate’s frantic movements. “Yes,” he said finally, almost laughing as Eddward held his breath. “That will do. I’m not going to treat you like a fucking uppity Starbucks customer, you know. Relax.” He took another sip. “It’s just coffee.”
Eddward knew an understatement when he heard one, and it seemed that this was one of the greater examples in life. The science major had a feeling that if he were to try and draw blood from his roommate, all that would come out would be espresso and cream.
“O-Of course. My apologies for making such a rude assumption.”
Rave was pleased that interaction was cut between the two of them for the rest of the day. While classes wouldn’t start for another three weeks, there was still much to prepare for in the college life. Eddward busied himself with test tubes and exotic textbooks while Rave approached his wardrobe with a judging eye. There were plays to be had, songs to be sung, and plenty of make-up to apply. He wanted to make life a beautiful, tragic lie, one that which he had complete control over. As long as his roommate did not get in the way of that, Rave wouldn’t take out his frustrations on him.
It was only two months into their freshman year and Rave still couldn’t stand the color yellow. It made him sick. Eddward however was not so inclined to disregard such an offensive hue and took it upon himself to decorate the bathroom with rubber duckies. Rave wanted to burn them.
“Eddward!” he yelled, picking up one of the offending bath items and squeezing it menacingly. It let out a pathetic squeak, the air choked. “What is this thing doing in the living room for?!”
His roommate called out his answer from the bathroom, shower running extremely hot and causing steam to billow out the opened door. They had to leave it opened due to previous mold problems. Apparently both liked to take extremely hot showers at different times of the day, which if kept inside their windowless bathroom made the walls soggy. It was part of the reason Rave hated the color yellow.
“My apologies! It must have followed me after brushing my teeth last night!”
Grinding his teeth, Rave stomped over to the bathroom and threw it into the steamy shower. Eddward yelped as it bounced across the floor tile, letting off strange noises. To Rave it sounded like it was dying, and that pleased him somewhat.
“Keep them in there!”
“Yes, yes, yes.” Eddward muttered, peeking his head out from behind the curtain. He was wearing a shower cap decorated with rainbow polkadots. “Do you mind starting up some tea? It’s getting a bit chilly out today and we need to save on heating.”
Rave muttered obscenities under his breath as he made his way to their very small kitchen, flicking on the stove and adding water to their newly purchased cherry red kettle. He heard a call of ‘thank you!’ coming from the shower, and shook his head.
When the kettle screeched and his roommate had finished cleaning himself, Rave sat at their kitchen island and mulled over the steeping tea cups. Eddward sat across from him, dressed in an outfit Rave had not-so-discretely set out for him on his bed. He had on his thick winter jacket, though, which bothered the drama student somewhat.
“What’re we having for dinner?” he asked, picking up his tea and taking a careful sip. Eddward left his alone until it cooled down.
“Ah… I am most sorry, but I won’t be here to make anything tonight.” He at least looked guilty enough, picking nervously at his hat. “One of my classmates needed sudden assistance on one of his class projects.”
Rave leveled a glare at him. “It’s Kevin, isn’t it?”
Eddward had reacquainted himself with an old friend during their first week of college, someone he had shared freshman inquiry with. Rave never bothered to ask too much about him since quite honestly Eddward’s life was rather boring (with the odd exception of his mysterious hat) and how he always kept to himself and his hobbies. Rave had to assume that he was bullied in high school or something equally character damaging, which probably was the only thing that kept the drama student from distancing himself from Eddward. Their… ‘friendship’ wasn’t as noticeable as the gap in his roommate’s teeth, but there was a depth there he was almost too scared to explore. For now, Rave decided, pity was a reasonable excuse.
This Kevin, however, was screwing up their carefully balanced schedule.
“You’re fucking lying, I can see it.” Rave stated, arms crossed. “You never give up your time so willingly except for that guy.”
“B-But,” Eddward’s eyes were wide, hands raised as if to physically defend himself from the verbal blow. Upon quickly realizing that trying to hide the truth any further would result in Rave’s ever growing irritation, the science major caved. “He really needs it this time, though.” Big, pleading blue eyes tried to gain sympathy from his roommate.
“Is he failing all of his classes?” Rave sneered. “You said this last time, idiot.”
Eddward looked less panicked and more defensive now, biting his lip and gripping at his sleeves. “Well… Kevin isn’t the most responsible student on campus. However, he makes up for it in his eagerness to learn! He can be rather studious when motivated properly.”
Rave gave a nasty smile. “Motivated?” his roommate froze at the implications. “Properly? Fucking hell, Eddward what do you do during these study sessions?”
“Nothing! Oh goodness, it’s only textbooks and reading!”
“Are you sure?” Rave chuckled, leaning back and placing a hand delicately on his forehead. Eddward choked as the drama student spread his legs slightly.
“Oh Kevin,” he moaned, eyes fluttering closed. Rave’s acting abilities were not to be underestimated, since he was able to imitate his roommate’s soft voice almost perfectly despite managing to sound like a woman in the thrones of passion. “Study me… there.” His perfectly kept nails ghosted over his crotch, emphasizing his point and utterly humiliating the science major.
“James!” he screeched, pulling his hat over his face.
Rave gracefully slipped out of his act, his typical frown marring his features. He hated it when his roommate used his real name, but didn’t feel comfortable using Eddward’s own nickname of “Double D”. He didn’t want to be called a hypocrite so Rave sucked it up and let it be said.
“Seriously, though. You can’t keep ditching dinner duties for some guy. I don’t care how good of a lay he is; dinner time is dinner time, and I’m hungry now.”
Blushing furiously, Eddward’s blue eyes peeked out from underneath his hat.
“But we’re not even doing anything like that!” he said, biting his lip. “I understand your frustrations, but please don’t mock me for being his friend. I’ll make dinner a little earlier if you don’t mind, just please leave Kevin out of this.”
Rave almost felt guilty for teasing him, but brushed it aside as he took another sip of his tea. “Fine.” He muttered, looking out a window visible from their bedroom.
Eddward left later at around six, leaving the dishes in the sink and leftovers for Rave to properly seal and put away. They had soup and grilled cheese, something warm and quickly assembled, and afterwards the drama student retired to his room. It was raining heavily outside, worrying Rave a bit.
At least he was smart enough to bring his jacket. Wretched weather… he thought, pulling out his laptop to re-watch some of his favorite Broadway musicals.
When he checked the clock next it was eleven and still no sign from his roommate. Rave leaned back into his pillow, hoping to have the energy to finish the last half hour of film in front of him, but his eyes drooped before closing altogether.
At seven a.m. Rave got a text.
Unknown number sent: hey ur roomie just totally crashed over here last nite so just lettin ya know he’s in good hands and no one died
The drama student blinked.
[R]: Who in the ever living fuck is this and why are you texting me at this hour.
Unknown number sent: relax princess im just a pal of ur roomies. hes passed out on my bro though so he cant answer
Rave scowled as he began to remember last night and how Eddward had gone to ‘study’ with his stupid crush Kevin. That meant no breakfast. That meant no sustenance to help him survive his early morning classes.
Someone was going to die.
[R]: How do you have my number? What game are you playing you fucking twat? Give my stupid roommate the fucking phone or I swear to god if he doesn’t get here to make me food I will hunt down your stupid ass and set the room on fire.
Unknown number sent: sounds kinky yo. but i swear i tried to wake him but he just groaned and snuggled closer into my bros chest omfg they are so cute i cant stand it
Unknown number sent: i cant wake them now they’ll get all awkward and shit ive werked so hard 4 this ship man don’t ruin it 4 me
[R]: Ship? What? Are you fucking nuts?
Unknown number sent: i got nuts if thts wat ur takin about but no seriously as roomies 4 these 2 we need to collaborate and make them fuck eachother like crazy rabbits
Unknown number sent: i got ur number from DD’s phone btw he was in the middle of textin u somethin last nite butt passed out before sendin it
Rave wanted to find this person and tie all kinds of knots using their entrails. He had never been so angry in his life.
[R]: Let me make myself clear. If I don’t have my stupid barista roommate back into our dorm room by the time I need to be at my morning classes, there will be hell to pay. Starting with your kidneys.
He didn’t get a reply after that for several minutes. The drama student foolishly thought his point had gotten across as he sunk his head back into his fluffy pillow. When his phone buzzed once again, it was not a message from an irritating stranger this time, but rather a picture.
As he clicked ‘view’ Rave was horribly surprised to see both his roommate and what appeared to be his crush Kevin sprawled across one another. He was momentarily frozen by the sight, immediately drawn to the possessive hold the red-headed jock had on his roommate’s rather slim figure. It was almost too intimate for him to handle, yet Rave couldn’t tear his eyes away.
For a moment he was extremely jealous. All his life he had dreamed of having someone to shelter him like that, capturing him in a hold that would both suffocate and bring an overbearing sense of freedom; a paradox that would make him explode into a lovely mess of puddled pink heart goo and complete devotion. It was how he imagined he’d feel at his wedding alter.
Staring at the stupid pixilated picture of his roommate getting cozy with his long-time crush both irked him and left Rave with a sense of genuine happiness. He tried to close off the part of him that had been ripped open, the loneliness and bitter acceptance that happily ever afters were always staged and left to the lucky ones.
He was just an actor, only meant to play the part and never really get what he was aiming for.
Ugh, fuck this guy and playing with my romantic weakness.
[R]: Whoever you are, let it be known that you’ve treaded into dangerous territory. If you think you know anything about romance, I’m about to prove you wrong.
Unknown number sent: omfg are u challenging me, captain nat goldberg, to a shipping war?????
Huh. At least he had a name now, despite how shitty it was.
[R]: Yes, Nat. I am. I am stooping to your level of romantic incompetence to prove how horribly wrong you are. You say you’re trying to get my roommate and yours together? Well let me start with this: you are fucking retarded.
Unknown number sent: ur serious arent u
Unknown number sent: ur fuckin serious
[R]: Yes. Again. You imbecile.
Unknown number sent: dude u have no idea on wat u have just gotten urself into i am about to WRECK UR SHIT HONEY BUNS U CAN COUNT ON IT
Unknown number sent: btw wats ur name i cant just go callin out DAMN YOU UNKNOWN NUMBER into the nite if this is gonna be a proper show down i need a name
Rave rarely indulged himself into giving out personal information to strangers, but this idiot was amusing, despite the audacity of bringing such a challenge. More awake than before, he typed out his answer after changing the number in his phone to a name.
[R]: It’s Rave. That’s all you’ll get.
[Ass Face]: wtf that’s stupid im puttin u as honey buns in my phone sounds way better
[R]: What a coincidence I just put you as Shit For Brains in mine. Glad we have something in common.
[Ass Face]: i can tell this will be a bootyful friendship i can already feel it in my hands like a perf rump ass
[R]: Are you fucking gay?
[Ass Face]: wat guy doesn’t like ass i mean seriously
[Ass Face]: ur not homophobic r u cuz thatd make this challenge hard 4 u man unless u wanted to ruin it
[Ass Face]: WHICH WILL NOT HAPPEN THIS SHIP WILL NVR SINK U FUCKER
Rave smiled at that, dark and amused. Again, his hands slipped in honesty.
[R]: No worries in the sexuality department, Shit For Brains. Men are far more appealing sex wise than women are to me. What asshole is homophobic nowadays anyway?
[Ass Face]: not this piece of hot ass that’s for sure go gays woooooooooo OMG THEYRE WAKING UP WAT DO I DO
[R]: Leave the room. Don’t ogle. Let them awkwardly detangle themselves. Chances are they will try to brush it aside as nothing and make the process which you call ‘shipping’ all the more frustrating.
[R]: Oh. And once my stupid roommate comes to, tell him to get his ass over here to make me some coffee. My classes start in an hour.
[Ass Face]: will do honey buns ttyl~
Their conversation ended at that, and Rave sat in bed for several minutes before what he and this stranger had conversed about hit him. Hard. Like a stage prop from his last play, which consisted of sharp wire and rusty metal.
He had just agreed to play match-maker between Eddward and Kevin, at the assisting hand of Nat Goldberg.
When his roommate shuffled awkwardly into the dormroom, loud pop music was playing in the bathroom with the door wide open. Eddward was greeted with Rave’s melodious voice, catching each note like it had belonged in his throat to begin with while stretching into a nice soprano whenever the music increased in speed.
What he didn’t hear was Rave’s dark, horrible regret gnawing at his insides, along with the murderous desire to rip this so called ‘Nat Goldberg’ to pieces.
A beautiful rivalry had just begun, and neither Eddward or that stupid crush of his Kevin had any idea of what they were in for.
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